My Thoughts on 13 Reasons Why

Reading all the articles on 13 Reasons Why and why it's supposed to raise awarness of mental health issues and suicide I want to talk about my own opinion on the show.

Like all the tumblr kids, I obviously read the book by Jay Asher back in the day (this is my tumblr if anyone is interested, I haven't really updated it since then though). That must have been about three or four years ago, so I was about 18 or 19. I was very in love, very sad, very emotionally unstable. You get the point – I could definitely relate to Hannah.
There is one point though, that I think I noticed back then and notice even stronger now - I hate the fact that Hannah blames her suicide on anyone but herself.
Because even at my lowest, even when I felt horrible because of a specific person, I never blamed it on that person.  

 Also, the fact that I could relate to Hannah meant that suicide was an option in a situation like that. A situation that almost every teenager will find themself in at some point, I would like to claim. And that is dangerous. When I read the book I didn’t think as much about the fact that she blamed the suicide on other people and more about all the reasons she gave. And I think saying that all those things lead to her having these thoughts and saying that all those people are to blame are two very different things. In the first option it is her decision, her way of dealing with the situation, in the second one other people are to blame. 

Hannah makes thirteen casette tapes on which she explains why she wants to kill herself, the reasons being friends turning on her, bullying, rape, not getting the help she needs, etc.
In consequence, the people on the tapes turn on each other and in the end one of them even tries to kill himself.

There are several issues with the show in general – there is a pretty good article about that in Glamour Magazine that I highly recommend. 

What I want to focus on, though, is blaming your problems on other people. I find this highly problematic because a) it justifies the suicide and b) it puts a huge burden on somebody who probably didn’t have the intention of hurting anyone, especially not to the point of them killing themself.

Let’s face it – we all make mistakes, none of us is always the best version of themself. I might have a bad day, be grumpy to a shop assistant without realizing they’re going through a tough time. It has probably happened before. And while of course we should all try to be nice to each other, we cannot stick to that every hour of every day.
Maybe the characters in 13 Reasons Why – the ones Hannah blames her suicide on – were going through a tough time themselves. Maybe they were doing their best trying to find their place in society and just made some mistakes. And then Hannah kills herself and says they are the reason for it and they have to live with that guilt forever.

And that is just plain wrong. Nobody owes you anything. Not their friendship, not their love, nothing. YOU are the person in charge of your life and you have to find ways to deal with what is thrown at you. Of course I’m not a complete idiot and I know that suicide is a serious topic and depression is not a choice. And I’m all for helping people as much as you can. But if you fail at helping someone it is still not your fault if they kill themself. Depression is the cause for suicide, not your boyfriend leaving you or your friend turning their back on you.

It is very „in“ right now to talk about „toxic“ people and how you need to leave them, and if they are really toxic to you this is obviously true. But those articles are often so quick with calling certain behaviours toxic, and mostly ones that are signs of mental illness, such as constant negativity. Have we really become that unforgiving? If I go through a tough time I might send of negative vibes, I might be a bitch sometimes, and I’m thankful for the people who understand that and still remain my friends instead of calling me toxic. You never know what someone is going through.

None of the characters in the show realized what Hannah was going through, but neither did she think about what they were going through. And just because she is the main character we sympathize with her. But life has no main character, everyone is their own main character.

Actually blaming a suicide on someone else – especially for comparably small reasons – is very selfish and dangerous. Your know as little about their life and their struggles as they do about yours. So be very careful with judgement.
In the end suicide is one person’s decision and most of the time caused by an illness called depression. I don’t need to go deeper into why killing yourself just passes the problem on to your loved ones because suicide is not a logical decision and the brain of a suicidal person just works differently because the person is seriously ill. I do want to say though that even if you’re feeling like you are at your lowest, it still doesn’t give you the right to destroy someone else’s life. Life isn't fair, but life isn't fair to anyone. Everyone gets mistreated sometimes, even the people who mistreat you.

To conclude, suicide is a serious topic and it’s difficult and often even dangerous to address it. Art – and books and tv shows are a form of art – do not have to keep everything into consideration. Saying that a tv show is to blame for any suicides is like saying Nirvana’s Polly is to blame for rape cases. You never know how someone interprets a certain piece of art and what it will lead someone to do.
But saying that the show – or the book – are helpful for raising awareness of mental illness and teen suicides is just plain wrong in my opinion. It justifies and even glamourizes suicide and makes it look like everyone else is to blame for it. I do not think the story is doing anyone a favour in terms of raising awareness. 

But what do you think? Do you think the show/book is helpful? Or the opposite? I would love to hear some opinions, especially from people who have experienced similar situations.

Some Thought on Make Up and Why I Wear It

I like to wear a lot of make up. I like it bold and I like it slutty. I’m not what people tend to call a "slut" at all but I just like myself with tons of make up on and dressed in a short skirt with stockings held by suspenders. 

 
So – obviously – I get to hear the usual reactions a lot. „You’d look better without all that make up on“, „Guys don’t like girls who wear that much make up“, „You’ll give people the wrong impression“, and so on. 

And let me get this straight – this is not a whiny third wave feminist post about how girls can wear whatever they want and how it says nothing about them. Of course it says something about me. The way I dress, the way I paint my face – and this is mainly about make up so this is what I’m getting deeper into – says a lot about me, obviously. We express ourselves through our looks, we want to send a message. Everyone does. 

And my message is maybe kind of a remain from my teenage days – I like to piss people off. When I was 12/13/14 I wore tons of black eyeliner and eyeshadow to school everyday, and I obviously got a lot of shit for it, but also some people who thought it was cool. And not necessarily the few ones who did the same, I never belonged to a clique of gothic or emo kids. I was more like the freak in the group of „normal“ kids but nobody really cared within that group. The point is just, I didn’t only overuse my eyeliner the way I did because I thought it looked cool as fuck – I also wanted to scare some people away and piss them off. It was like a tiny, childish form of rebellion and if I think about it, maybe it still is. 

I KNOW that a lot of men prefer less make up on women. I know that a lot of women do, too. And that’s fine, everyone has their own taste, and everyone’s entitled to it.
But the point is, personally, I like wearing a lot of make up and that is because when I look at myself in the mirror, I just love the way it looks. That simple.
But it’s not like I’m trying to pretend I’m doing it all for myself. I don’t put on any make up if I’m planning to spend the whole day at home. I don't put on make up if I'm going to the grocery store or the gym. It is – to a certain extend – for other people, but more as a kind of war paint. With make up on, and for me there’s only a lot of it or none at all – I feel stronger and more ready to face the world. It may sound overdramatic but it really does have a psychological effect. If you look into the mirror and like what you see, you feel good and strong. And liking what you see is really just up to your personal taste, some people like to see themselves with no make up, or only a little make up, or – like me – really over the top make up that is probably way too much for the occasion.  

 
I once read that women don’t wear make up to look good for men but rather to look better than other girls. In the end that leads to the same thing – you want to look better than other girls, you want to feel superior so you’re the “top bitch“. And at least to some extend that is for men. It’s only natural, our bodies want to reproduce, in the end we’re just animals.

But we all compete in our own way, we want to look our best – the way WE think we look best. And if I like myself best with a lot of make up on I’m going to wear it. No, it’s not a compliment if you tell me I’d look better without it. You may think it would be more natural, more myself but aren’t you really the purest form of „yourself“ if you look exactly the way you want to look? In the end your bare face itself doesn’t really say anything about your personality, the way you dress up does. And to the people who say I don’t need it – OF COURSE I don’t NEED it! Nobody fucking needs it! And I’m happy to go without it on some days. But I like it, and come on – at least half of the stuff that we buy or do are pure luxury. We don’t need them, but we like them. And as long as we can afford them, that’s perfectly fine. Everything that gives us joy is a good thing as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone. 

In the end I just like myself with a lot of bold make up on, and part of why it makes me feel good is because it makes me feel  like a bit of an outsider. As I said, it’s war paint, it sets me apart from other people. It repels some people – attracts some people, too, yes, but that’s not the intention. Again, it’s just a tiny, childish form of rebellion. But it makes me feel good, that is what it’s all about. 

So what about you? Do you like to wear a lot of make up? No make up? Something in the middle? Do you make assumptions based on the amount of make up people wear? Tell me your thoughts! 

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